Friday, July 16, 2010
This is Marijo again tonight. The song you are listening to is one that a good friend of mine, Peggy, sent to me when Bryan was very first sick. It held me together during some very lonely days while we all waited to see where this would all go. Now it is one of our favourite songs.
Bryan has asked that I share an excerpt from my own private blog from yesterday. He wanted everyone to know that not all days are easy here-that the real story isn't always pretty and inspiring, but sometimes overwhelmingly heart breaking. Keep in mind when reading this that today was better-that we can have sad or discouraging days and not drown in it all.
Excerpt girl-called-lovely, July 15,2010:
Bryan finally had a melt down today. We got to St. Mary's okay and got him settled in his room. After many visits from many doctors and therapists I took him for his first wheelchair tour of the facility. As we started through I could feel him sinking emotionally. He said to me that he was not doing so well mentally and was not feeling well at all. We went through the gym and looked at the pool with a physio-therapist and then, as he left us in the hall, he motioned for me to come close to him. And then Bryan cried. He cried hard. I held him and cried too. We just held each other in the long empty hall and cried. It was a terrible sad, but also a feeling of a dam breaking.
I took him outside and he said he didn't want to stay at St. Mary's. He didn't like it. He felt 3 years old again and what would all the people that thought he was an inspiration think if they saw him now. We just sat outside and wept openly as he told me he really hadn't thought anything of it all until now. It was just sort of fun, but now it was real. He had no legs and life was altered forever. He talked about how it affects me long-term and all the plans we had. We cried some more.
It was terrible to leave him there. It was like when you drop your kid at camp and they are scared and want to get back in the car with you. But you know that in a few days all will be well. I know Bryan will enjoy St. Mary's, but it was a scary, scary day for him and my heart just bleeds for him.
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"He felt 3 years old again and what would all the people that thought he was an inspiration think if they saw him now."
ReplyDeleteThis makes me wonder how many people could have even reached where you are now...not many I think. Regardless of how your journey plays out from this moment on, you are one of the toughest individuals I've ever seen and please don't ever think otherwise. Thinking of your difficult day only further outlines how trivial many of our daily challenges are and shedding light on that makes you more of an inspiration than before. Thank you for sharing all of your experiences, both positive and negative, as they both serve such an important purpose in helping us understand how precious life is. I'd be happy to kick the crap out of the Clark Kent guy if he ever tried to take the Superman name back because I think it's a more deserving title today than any time before.
"He felt 3 years old again and what would all the people that thought he was an inspiration think if they saw him now"
ReplyDeletePeople think that you're just a human being and nobody ask you to be stong all the time. It's a big difficult time you have to go through and your "courage bag" cannot be always full so please give you the right to find it tough sometimes and also, give you the right to say it. It's true for you and also for Marijo.
But guess what....tomorrow is another day and who knows, maybe you'll find a tasty flavor in your "box of chocolates".
Big hug for the two of you,
Gigi xx
When you had your emotional breakdown, that made you even more of an inspiration and shows all of us that your no matter what you would like people to see on the outside, your the same Bryan that we all know and love. It just shows that no matter what it is that you have and are going through, it will still impact you the same as would anyone else. You are still an inspiration to me.
ReplyDeleteRhonda